I Know Everything You Don't Want Me To
by fleurdelisee
Summary: After an upsetting evening spent with his family, Blaine escapes to Kurt's house where his compulsive need to bottle up everything will cause him to snap and seek comfort.


Sometimes Kurt stops and tries to see when exactly it became normal for him to hang out with Sam. With Sam living with them so he can attend McKinley, he probably spends more than with him than he does with Blaine which is weird and also really ironic considering the state of things at the beginning of junior year, but right now he certainly doesn't mind the company as he cleans his room.

Yes, okay, he knows it's not the most exciting activity to do on a Saturday night, but, well, Blaine is stuck at a family dinner. Rachel is out with Finn, Mercedes is out of town for a wedding, and Tina and Mike are probably busy being cute together, so yeah. Cleaning his room.

Sam sticks around, Kurt suspects, because when he's alone for too long he starts missing his family, so Kurt lets him; it's not much different than hanging out with Finn, except maybe the conversation is less about Rachel and more about whatever Sam is nerding about at the moment.

It's _Highlander_ that evening, and he's been impersonating Sean Connery for the past half hour, narrating everything Kurt does in a dramatic way. That's when he's not humming _Who Wants To Live Forever_ by Queen.

"You're not going to stop, are you?" Kurt asks with an exasperated smile when Sam comments Kurt alphabetizing and dusting his bookshelves in a Scottish accent, the novel he brought to read long forgotten on the bed next to where he's sitting.

"No," he replies enthusiastically and Kurt rolls his eyes as he goes back to work, climbing up on his desk chair to reach the higher shelves. A few minutes later, he hears his phone chiming, the noise barely perceptible under Sam's incessant chatter about the sequels and how bad they were.

"I think that's yours," Sam says while Kurt is still trying to locate his phone around the room without having to get off the chair. He sees it on his nightstand and sighs in annoyance.

"Yeah. Can you check it for me? It's over there," he asks Sam, nodding his head towards it.

"You don't mind?" Sam reaches across the bed to get it and then holds it uncertainly, looking at Kurt with a question in his eyes.

"Blaine's been texting me how bored he is for hours," Kurt replies, shrugs, and then bends down to pick up a pile of books. There's a long pause and Kurt clicks his tongue impatiently. "So? What's he saying?"

"You—you don't want me to read that out loud, dude."

"He's being disgustingly sweet again, isn't he? Just read it, Sam. I can't exactly come and check it myself right now." Kurt looks back over his shoulder and raises his eyebrows emphatically, motioning his head to the several books he's holding. "And don't take that stupid Scottish acc—wait, are you blushing?"

"I want you to fuck me so hard I pass out."

Kurt yelps and the books plummet to the floor as his hands fly to cover his mouth in shock. "Sam, what the _hell_ was that?"

"I was reading the message! I don't—that's not me asking for that. Dude, it's not—"

"Why did you read it out loud?" Kurt says in a shrill voice, jumping off the chair and stalking through the room to yank his phone out of Sam's hands, who looks petrified, his eyes wide and a blush high on his cheeks.

"Because you asked me!"

"You still shouldn't have done it!" Kurt's face is on fire and he looks everywhere, but at Sam. "I'm so sorry you had to see that. It's—god, the only time he tries sexting, _this_ happens. I'm really sorry, Sam."

Sam shrugs and smirks, his blush receding. Kurt admires his cool, he personally wants to dig a whole to the centre of the earth and die there.

"Don't sweat it, dude. We all know you and Blaine have sex like, all the time." When Kurt stares at him with wide, scandalized eyes, Sam rolls his eyes. "It's totally cool. Fistbump?"

"No," Kurt says tightly, narrowing his eyes at Sam before jumping when his phone chimes again.

"Alright, alright, but just so you know, this isn't awkward. Let's keep it that way."

Kurt stares at Sam expressionlessly until he rolls his eyes and gets up, picking up his book and sending Kurt a wink from the doorway. Kurt groans and he hears Sam's laughter echoing down the hallway long after his footsteps have faded away.

Blaine's second message is short and immediately changes Kurt's mood.

_Can I sleep over?_

Blaine is supposed to spend the weekend with his family. With relatives in town for a few days, he had to agree to stay at home instead of spending the weekend at Kurt's like he usually ends up doing, the Hudmels' house feeling much more like home to Blaine than his own house does. Kurt's stomach twists up to think about what might have happened to make Blaine come back on his promise.

He quickly texts back, _Duh. Are you okay?_

_No. I'll explain later. I love you._

Kurt bites his lips as they stretch into a smile. _I love you more_, he replies. It's probably what Blaine needs at the moment: cheesy lovey-dovey messages to pull through whatever is happening until he can come over.

_Love you the mostest. I'm leaving now._

Blaine arrives half an hour later. Sam calls Kurt from downstairs – despite what Sam says, this is totally awkward and Kurt will probably blush around him for a week – and he runs to greet him, slowing down as he takes in Blaine's expression. He's frowning and he looks on the verge of crying and/or punching something.

"Hey," Kurt says softly, putting his hand on Blaine's shoulder and eyeing him with concern. With a quick glance at Sam, who's hovering near them with a look of concern on his face surely caused by Blaine's withdrawn behaviour, Kurt leans forward and presses a kiss to Blaine's lips. Blaine returns it chastely and then pulls away quickly.

Sam clears his throat. "Well, Artie invited me over so I'm going to go. I'll let you guys know when I'm coming back. I'll make it obvious." He slips out of the open front door before Kurt says anything.

As soon as Sam's out of the house, Blaine drops his bag loudly on the floor and walks away from Kurt, rubbing his hands over his face roughly. Kurt stays a few steps behind him, cautious to give Blaine the space he needs until he can talk about whatever happened.

Kurt sits at the bottom of the staircase and watches Blaine calming himself down. He can tell Blaine is disengaging his anger by trying and failing – because this is Blaine and he feels emotions from the tip of his toes to the ends of his hair – to rationalize what he's feeling and thinking so he can better shove them away, where they will simmer and grow to become too big for him to deal with; they'll show in the back of Blaine's eyes sometimes, just a flash of something dark that gives a glimpse of the thoughts and words he keeps hidden in some dark recesses of his mind.

With one final stroke of his fingers through his hair, Blaine turns around to face Kurt. He looks calmer than when he entered the house. He's not twitching anymore and the tension seems to have left his body, leaving him exhausted and seemingly smaller than when he crossed the threshold. Kurt pouts, empathetically, as he stands up and wraps Blaine in a tight hug, which he returns immediately. Kurt lets Blaine bury his face in his neck for a while, Blaine's fingers digging in Kurt's hips and his arms wrapped tightly around his waist like he's trying to crawl into Kurt's skin, before he gently moves away and holds him by his shoulders, thumbs pressing circles into his flesh.

"Let's go upstairs." When Blaine nods Kurt pushes him towards the stairs and reaches for his bag, slapping Blaine's hand away when he tries to take it from him.

Blaine stays up even as Kurt sits down on his bed and he's restless once more. Kurt sits cross-legged and watches Blaine as he seems to be struggling with his mind and his words. He keeps opening and then closing his mouth, his right hand flailing and then going to rub his cheek before moving wildly again and settling down by his side, the pattern starting again seconds later.

"It's just a phase," Blaine eventually lets out. His eyes darken with his words, his brows furrowing and his face contorting in an expression of disgust and anger. "According to them. You and I. We're just a phase. I'll outgrow it. I—I don't know why tonight, but it's like it suddenly dawned on them that I'm gay so they—" Blaine winces. "They were not intentionally offensive, I guess, but ignorance still hurts."

"You mean stupidity." Kurt extends his arms, hands splayed and calling for Blaine.

"They're my family, Kurt," Blaine replies as he kicks off his shoes and climbs on the bed, taking Kurt's hands and tangling their fingers, palms against palms. "I'm not going to call them stupid."

"Finn's family and I still call him a moron when he shoves a knife in the toaster. If they acted stupid you have to call them that."

"Anyway," Blaine says with emphasis, glaring at Kurt when he laughs, "it really upset me and I needed support. And Cooper was busy being full of himself so I was alone to face them."

"There's more," Kurt cuts in. Blaine's eyes flicker away from Kurt's and he visibly shrinks in on himself. "Blaine."

"As I was texting you, my uncles—they saw the picture of us I have as my background and said—well, some things that really pissed me off."

"Tell me."

Blaine winces and shakes his head, but speaks nonetheless, his voice laced with anger. "They asked if I was sure I'm gay because that looked like a girl with me on the picture."

"Is that why you sent me that message?"

Blaine shrugs jerkily. "Maybe. I don't know. I guess sending it when I knew people would read over my shoulder was—but aren't you upset? I was fuming when they said that."

"I've heard worse, although I hadn't heard that one in a while," Kurt says lightly, but his smile feels forced. Hearing it often doesn't make it easier to swallow.

"I hate people," Blaine says with a sigh before slumping forward against Kurt.

"No, you don't. You love everyone. I hate people." Kurt lets his fingers lightly stroke over the nape of Blaine's neck. A pleased sound leaves Blaine's lips and ghosts over Kurt's skin as Blaine nuzzles his collarbone. "Except you. I love you."

Blaine hums and rubs his nose up Kurt's neck and along his jaw, his eyelashes tickling Kurt's cheek as he lightly presses his lips to the base of his jaw before finally shifting to wrap his arms around Kurt's waist and tuck his head in the crook of Kurt's neck.

"Someone's cuddly today," Kurt says with a chuckle, pulling Blaine closer and resting his temple on top of Blaine's head.

"I've had better days."

Kurt gently pushes Blaine down and laughs when Blaine grips his shoulders and pulls him along. Blaine cranes his neck to catch Kurt's lips in a quick kiss as Kurt shifts to straddle Blaine's thigh, one of his arm holding him up. His free hand cups Blaine's jaw, inching it back so he can press a long kiss to his lips.

Blaine flips them around and straddles Kurt's thighs, his hands holding Kurt's head to kiss him like Kurt is pretty sure he's never been kissed before. It's fierce and rough, Blaine's weight trapping Kurt under him and his anger still obviously present in the way he's attacking Kurt's lips. Kurt moans and squirms under Blaine, sparks of heat and arousal coursing through his body as Blaine rocks his hips down. Kurt grips his shirt, pulling Blaine even closer and moaning into his mouth, which only makes Blaine more insistent.

Kurt wraps his legs around Blaine's waist, hooking his ankles together and pulling Blaine down against him, his arms circling Blaine's shoulders while he kisses back roughly and almost feverishly. Kurt pushes his hips up against Blaine's and the feel of Blaine's hard cock against his through too many layers of denim is not enough. He groans and rubs up against Blaine harder, pushing down against the small of his back with his legs. It's too quick and too early and Blaine seriously only walked into the house twenty minutes ago and Kurt is about to come in about five seconds.

He's about to ask Blaine to slow it down when he begins whining, breaking the kiss to press his face into Kurt's neck. His hands leave Kurt's hair and grip his shirt and it's only when Kurt unwraps himself from around Blaine that he notices he's shaking.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Kurt asks, rubbing his hand up and down Blaine's back.

"It's just them and their homophobic ideas" he answers, turning his head just enough for his words to be audible.

"Shh, it's okay," Kurt whispers. "Why does it matter what people think? What we do together is nobody's business."

"It matters because it has an effect on what we do."

Kurt frowns. "What do you mean?"

Blaine snaps. He pushes himself off Kurt and moves away, once more rubbing his hands over his face. "I can't believe you're not angry that they said you look like a girl."

"It upsets me when people say I'm girly," Kurt says testily, getting increasingly annoyed at Blaine for cutting short something that was on its way to be very interesting.

"It upsets me, too." Blaine groans and slams his fist against the mattress. Kurt jumps. "You know what upsets me, too? That when people see us, they assume I'm 'the guy' in the relationship." He does the air quotes, a look of disgust on his face.

"That means nothing, Blaine. Your theory can't explain why I'm taller and bigger than you if I'm the girl. We're both guys, we both act like guys, but we have different personalities. I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this."

"Because they told me that I can't really be gay. Because to them it looks like I'm dating a girl!" Blaine nearly shouts. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry you didn't punch them, I imagine?"

Blaine visibly deflates and he lets out a dry laugh. "Next time, I'm inviting you. You can defend us."

Kurt smiles and scoots closer to Blaine. He's glad the crisis has been avoided and that Blaine seems to be calming down, at last. He reaches up and brushes the shell of Blaine's ear before taking Blaine's hands in his.

"Is that what makes you so angry? That people think you're not really gay?"

Blaine shrugs. "I feel so stupid. It's like when Finn feels his manhood is threatened and he throws tantrums."

"Well, let me tell you one thing: you're definitely a flaming homosexual, Blaine Anderson." When Blaine laughs, Kurt continues. "Don't let them get to you like this, Blaine. Whatever they say or think is irrelevant. What we have, you and I, is what matters." Kurt kisses Blaine's knuckles and when he looks up, Blaine is smiling and there are tears in his eyes. "No, no, no, don't cry!"

Kurt gently wipes his tears with his thumbs before pulling Blaine into a fierce hug. "Is there something I can do?"

Blaine shakes his head. "I just don't feel good today."

"I hate them so much," Kurt whispers against Blaine's temple.

Blaine hums and wraps his arms around Kurt's waist, leaning his weight against him and sighing. "What I'm about to say won't make sense."

"It rarely does," Kurt says lightly. Blaine huffs and pinches his side.

"You know how we said that like, this whole domination/submission thing would have to wait until at least college?" Kurt hums, prompting him on. Blaine bites his lip. "Could we, I don't know, try a sort of lighter version of it?"

"What are you trying to say?"

"I want you to—to, well not to take control because that's a bit much but like—"

"Blaine, you're rambling." Kurt kisses his cheek with a smile.

"I _know_, god, okay." He pauses. "I don't know how to phrase it."

Kurt swallows audibly and Blaine shifts in his arms, loosening his arms to look up at him.

"I know what you mean." Kurt pauses and licks his lips, the flash of pink tongue so close to his face sending a spark to Blaine's almost forgotten hard on.

"Yeah?" Blaine asks and he really hopes Kurt does because he doesn't think he can put words on what he wants, but he knows he needs it.

Kurt nods and gently pushes Blaine away, fingers gripping his shoulders tightly and guiding him down until he's lying and Kurt is holding himself up above him, his hips purposefully away from Blaine's.

"I have an idea. Have you ever heard about body worship?"

Kurt's eyes are searching Blaine's face, the slightest of frown on his face. This is all so new. Having sex, not so much, but talking about it. Discussing ideas and kinks and things they want to try, will try in the future, will never ever try under any circumstances, what they like, don't like. What works for them most, giving the other tools to bring them to the edge and drive them crazy. Blaine loves it, loves all the talking, but he knows it's hard on Kurt.

"Which part?"

Kurt shrugs and blushes. Blaine wraps his hand around the back of his neck, bringing him down, and kisses him wetly, sucking on Kurt's bottom lip before pulling away.

"None in particular," Kurt eventually says. "Just. You. All of you. I want to make you feel good." He swallows. "I want to kiss you everywhere and—ah. And taste you."

Something wicked flashes on Blaine's face and he leans forward to kiss Kurt again, humming when Kurt wraps his hand around the back of his neck to hold him there longer. His arousal is slowly taking over his anger and he's thankful for it, the sharp edges in his mind slowly softening as Kurt kisses him deeply, whining ever so slightly against his lips.

"So."

"So?" Blaine asks, keeping his eyes closed and feeling Kurt's breath against his cheek.

"Body worship?"

Blaine runs the idea in his mind, imagining what it'd entail and trying to see if it would be enough to clear his mind. It's worth giving it a shot, he decides when the mental image of Kurt kissing him everywhere and memories of the feeling of his lips make his dick twitch with interest.

"Worship me all you want," he finally says dramatically, spreading his arms. Kurt lets out an undignified snort. "What's so funny?"

"My boyfriend is a dork is what's so funny."

Kurt pushes Blaine down and crawls on his knees until he can straddle Blaine's waist. He puts his hands on Blaine's chest and Blaine covers his hands with his own.

"Well, I have it on good authority that you love your boyfriend despite it and want to cover him with a thousand—"

"Don't. Do not quote _RENT_."

"I wasn't going to," Blaine lies.

"Huh-uh." Kurt bends forward and kisses Blaine. "I don't believe you."

"You shouldn't," Blaine replies and then lets go of Kurt's hands to pull him down, crashing their lips once more.

Kurt breaks the kiss to start rubbing his nose against Blaine's cheek as he catches his breath. Pulling himself up on his elbows, Kurt looks down at Blaine with a smile and then he presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. One more and he's moving to his cheek, the trail of kisses moving up. Blaine flutters his eyes closed and can feel his eyelashes catching at Kurt's cheek before he presses a kiss to Blaine's eyelid and then moves to kiss the other, then down to kiss the tip of his nose. Across the other cheek and then behind his ear, nose pressed into the scent of hair gel briefly before he moves to Blaine's jaw.

Kurt sucks on the jutting bone at the angle of his jaw, licks it and then moves down, scrapping his teeth along Blaine's jawline and Blaine frowns because this isn't working, he still feels strung too tight and on the verge of exploding, this isn't working at all and he can't empty his mind like he needs to even if his boyfriend is lying on top of him and covering his face with kisses. What's _wrong_ with him?

Blaine cups Kurt's face and tilts his head to catch his lips in a heated kiss, his other hand pressing between Kurt's shoulder blades to pull him closer. Kurt shifts closer and, in the process, his thigh pushes against Blaine's crotch. Blaine breaks the kiss and gasps sharply, his hips rolling up against Kurt's leg and his hand getting more insistent in pulling him down against him. He needs Kurt closer.

"Shh," Kurt whispers, brushing his lips over Blaine's in a light kiss. "Patience." Kurt starts mouthing at Blaine's jaw, moving towards his ear to lavish his earlobe with nibbles and sucks. "I love you," he breathes against Blaine's ear and Blaine feels his smile against his skin when he shivers. "And I'm never going to outgrow this."

Blaine holds Kurt's waist while he starts kissing down his neck to stop him from moving away. His weight his strangely soothing to Blaine. When he feels Kurt move further down to suck wetly at Blaine's pulse point, Blaine grips Kurt's ass and squeezes it, trying to bring him back higher up his body to kiss him again. Kurt lets out a pleased hum and rewards Blaine with a broad lick on his Adam's apple before undoing Blaine's bow-tie, pulling it free from the collar of his shirt and then throwing it to the side, immediately unbuttoning the first few buttons to reach more of Blaine's neck, his teeth nipping at the base of his throat making Blaine gasp and buck up.

Undressing each other is still enough of a novelty to make Blaine's skin tingle with excitement. Kurt kisses Blaine, his tongue wet and soft where it licks into his mouth, his hands stroking and rubbing every part of Blaine's body he can reach, making it all almost overwhelming, Blaine's senses all busy with Kurt. It's not enough to make him forget the bitterness and anger he can feel bubbling up inside of him. Blaine whines and Kurt misinterprets it for something positive if the way he rolls his hips against Blaine's thigh is any indication.

Kurt pulls out of the kiss, cheeks red and eyes bright, his blown pupils and the way his lips shine twisting Blaine's stomach.

"Enjoying yourself?" Blaine asks, his voice rough and unexpectedly low.

"You have no idea," Kurt rasps in reply, dipping down one more time to kiss Blaine and groaning when Blaine brushes his fingers over his crotch, feeling him hard and causing his hips to jerk forward against his hand. "Don't," Kurt warns, nipping at Blaine's jaw. "I'm not going to last if you touch me."

Blaine nods and lets go of the grip he had on the back of Kurt's shirt, relaxing as much as he can against the pillows. Pulling his collar wider apart to show more skin, Kurt spends the next few minutes kissing and sucking Blaine's neck, adjusting his movement to Blaine's reactions so that he's speeding up when Blaine relaxes and slowing down when Blaine tenses and pulls at him to get more. He's trying to calm himself down by focusing on Blaine's reaction and Blaine wishes his mind was into this but he's not, he can't get himself to focus long enough, negative thoughts keep crashing like waves in his mind every time Kurt stops kissing him.

Kurt kisses along Blaine's collarbones while he finishes unbuttoning his shirt, tugging it out of Blaine's pants roughly, and then he strokes up and down Blaine's sides, smiling against the dip at the base of his throat when goose bumps rise under his touch.

Kurt pushes himself up on his knees and places one hand on Blaine's back and one behind his head, pulling him up and holding him there as he leans in to kiss him. "Take your shirt off," he says against Blaine's lips, sucking the top one into his mouth as he waits for Blaine to wriggle out of his opened shirt.

"I'll need help," Blaine says after pulling out of the kiss with a loud smack.

Kurt chuckles and pulls him further up until Blaine can sit without support. Kurt sits back on his feet, smiles at Blaine when their eyes meet and holds his gaze while he pushes Blaine's shirt down his arms, waiting for him to throw it to the side before diving in and kissing his shoulder. Blaine tilts his head to the side and back when Kurt moves across his collarbone, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the quickly heating skin and following Blaine down as he slumps against the pillows, his hands fisted in the back of Kurt's shirt to make sure he stays close.

"No." Kurt pulls away when Blaine tugs at his shirt. "This is about you."

Blaine bites back a frustrated groan, nods, and leans in to kiss Kurt, his hand flying to rest on the back of Kurt's head and hold him there. The slip and slide of lips and tongues distracts him for a while, his head pleasantly empty as Kurt leads the kiss, tilting Blaine's head where he wants it and pushing and pulling until Kurt breaks away with a gasp and a playful glare.

"I know what you're doing! You're trying to distract me from my plan."

"Guilty as charged," Blaine in a low voice he barely recognizes before leaning up to kiss Kurt once more.

"Having a change of heart?" Kurt asks in his ear.

Blaine stops to think about what they're doing, about changing the dynamic and pushing Kurt into the mattress and he tightens his grip on Kurt's hips, hearing his breath hitch. He considers flipping them over and kissing Kurt to his heart's content and then he's closing his eyes and shaking his head, for the first time not trusting himself with his boyfriend.

While Kurt can take it - hell, he's probably stronger than Blaine is and he keeps growing, which is so unfair there's no words for it - Blaine is afraid he'll hurt him in his fever to empty his mind, to stop thinking and only _feel_. He doesn't trust himself with control when he feels like he could punch a hole through a wall. He still has too much adrenaline coursing through his veins to attempt to lead anything.

Blaine is jerked out of his thoughts when Kurt tentatively licks a strip up his sternum. "Oh, that's nice," he says shakily, blinking a few times to try and reconnect with reality, with Kurt heavy and warm over him and looking at him with a mix of lust and love that is seriously unsettling.

Kurt smirks against his skin and then kisses it, sucking lightly and then blowing air on the wet spot his lips left. When Blaine inhales sharply Kurt continues, moving across his chest and leaving wet kisses or kitten licks everywhere. Blaine's breathing is getting increasingly faster, the up and down motion of his chest rocking Kurt's head as he keeps covering his skin in kisses, his erection dragging down Blaine's leg as he shifts lower down his body.

Wrapping his lips around Blaine's nipple, Kurt lightly scrapes his teeth on the hardening nub before sucking and pulling away when Blaine wriggles and squirms, every suction shooting straight to his groin. Blaine looks at Kurt, aware that he must look stunned with his lips slightly parted and his eyes glazed over but hot damn, that really did manage to pull him out of his mind and Kurt needs to do that again _stat_.

"Good?" Kurt asks coyly.

Blaine lets out a dry laugh and fists his hands in the bedspread so he doesn't tug Kurt down by his hair so he starts sucking on his nipple again. "It was okay, yeah," he manages to choke out.

"Only okay?" Kurt licks teasingly over Blaine's other nipple, his tongue twirling around it before flattening it with broad strokes.

"Oh god," Blaine moans, his hands flying to undo his pants and relieve some of the pressure. Kurt clicks his tongue when he does it but Blaine ignores him, instead pressing his hand to the back of his head and pushing him down until he once more wraps his lips around Blaine's nipple, his laughter muffled by Blaine's skin.

Kurt pulls off with a smack and immediately moves down Blaine's body, kissing a trail down the centre of his chest while his hands stroke up and down Blaine's side. By the time he reaches Blaine's belly button, Kurt is only mindlessly trailing his fingers up and down Blaine's sides, his attention focused on licking in and around it. It doesn't take long before Kurt loses his focus, which only pulls Blaine back in his mind.

"Where are you?" Blaine asks.

"Far, far away," Kurt replies. With a sigh and one last kiss just above his navel, Kurt lies his head on Blaine's stomach.

He turns his face and presses it into that part of his belly Blaine's embarrassed about—no matter what he does it stays soft, but Kurt seems to love it for some reason Blaine can't fathom. His hand is splayed over Blaine's hipbone, his thumb stroking circles into his skin. Blaine smiles down at him and cards his fingers through Kurt's hair, eliciting an appreciative hum.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You have to promise me something," Kurt says, his voice barely above a breath.

"Anything," Blaine immediately replies.

Kurt shakes his head. "Don't agree before I told you." He swallows and breathes in deeply. "Promise me that no matter how hard it gets, no matter how much it hurts, you won't ask me to stay."

Blaine stays silent, his hand stilling in Kurt's hair. Kurt turns his face to nuzzle Blaine's skin and press a dry kiss into it.

"I wouldn't," Blaine replies. His throat feels too dry, suddenly, and every part of him that Kurt is touching feels too sensitive.

"Well, that's good, because I would stay. If you asked."

Blaine resumes stroking Kurt's scalp. "Don't be silly. You've been dreaming about New York for years, Kurt." Blaine narrows his eyes to the ceiling, something ugly stirring inside of him. "Don't you dare give up your dreams for me."

"I know," he says shortly, patting Blaine's stomach a few times. "I know all that, Blaine, but if you were to ever ask me to stay, or tell me you don't want me to go, I would drop everything and stay. So you have to promise, Blaine." Kurt looks up, his eyes wide and too earnest. "You have to promise you'll never ask me to stay." He pauses, fingers drumming a rhythm that Blaine recognizes as his audition song for NYADA. "And besides, you massive idiot, you're part of my dreams now. It wouldn't be right if you're not there."

"I just don't want to hold you back," Blaine whisper. He doesn't trust his voice to speak out loud at the moment. There are too many emotions trying to happen at the same time and he tenses when his throat tightens.

"Hey, no, Blaine, oh my god. _No_." Kurt scrambles up the bed and takes Blaine's face between his hands, pressing their foreheads together. Blaine holds his forearms and closes his eyes. "Stop it." Kurt kisses him. "No. Do not say that. Don't even think it."

Blaine nods and blinks a few times. "Okay. I'm sorry, today's just—"

"I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up. I killed the mood." Kurt kisses him again, lingering. "This isn't working, is it?"

"No, no, it's fine!" Blaine replies too quickly. Kurt looks at him with a quirked eyebrow. "No, it's not." Kurt sighs and flops down on the bed to lie on his back next to Blaine.

Blaine closes his eyes and forces his breath into a calm rhythm. He didn't need to be reminded that Kurt is leaving soon, he had enough worries on his mind, and now he's even more upset than when he arrived but he can't tell Kurt that. He has to be the perfect boyfriend in this situation and let Kurt go without protesting because it's unfair if he does, even though whenever he thinks about it his stomach feels like it's filled with lead.

"You're gone again," Kurt whispers, turning on his side and placing his arm across Blaine's chest. "I can hear you thinking, Blaine."

Blaine shrugs and turns into Kurt's side. Kurt hums and helps him get settled before wrapping both arms around Blaine's torso and tangling their legs.

"Do you want to watch a movie? We don't have to have sex."

Blaine lets out a noise of protest, which makes Kurt laugh. "I want to have sex, but that whole worship thing wasn't working for me. Sorry."

"It's just—I had a plan, you know? And it doesn't work. I can't pull you out of your head—or me out of mine, for that matter."

"It never works when you try to plan our sex life, Kurt," Blaine mutters against his chest, cuddling even closer. "Remember last month's debacle?"

Kurt chuckles, the vibration in his chest making Blaine's face tickle. "Still. I wanted to make you feel good and this was something I'd wanted to try for a while. I never thought having sex involved so much talking," Kurt rambles. Blaine smiles fondly, his hand finding Kurt's and squeezing it.

"I don't think it _has_ to, we're just—"

"We never do anything simply, that's our problem."

"True, but it ends up making everything simpler. Our compulsive need for communicating everything we think saves us so much drama."

"And you get to tease me for blushing," Kurt adds, smiling until his eyes crinkle.

"It's adorable." Blaine scoots even closer and slips his thigh between Kurt's legs. He moves it up until it's pressed against Kurt's crotch and he gasps, rocking against it. Blaine grins and moves his leg to rub against Kurt, bringing him closer.

Kurt hums and closes his eyes and Blaine leans in to nuzzle behind Kurt's ear. Blaine breathes Kurt in, focusing on how his body feels under his hands and the way it makes his own body react, the way his hips twitch forward when Kurt whines through his nose and bites his lip.

"Sam knows we're going to have sex," Kurt blurts out, pushing himself up on his elbows to give Blaine a look that represents the gravity of the situation.

Blaine rolls away, watching Kurt warily.

"I assumed he did with what he said when he was about to leave. I can't blame him for guessing we would."

"No, he knows. He accidentally read _that_ message."

"I don't want to know, do I?" Blaine asks, moving closer once more and kissing Kurt's neck, trying to distract him from this conversation he'd really rather not have.

"My hands were full so he read the message for me," Kurt replies flippantly. When Blaine looks up, he's smirking cockily.

"I knew I didn't want to know." Blaine nips at Kurt's neck and then pushes his nose against his jaw. "Can I ask why you were thinking about Sam when we're about to have sex?"

"I don't want to talk about Sam anymore," Kurt says curtly before rolling on his side and kissing Blaine, his hand cupping his jaw while he sucks his bottom lip in his mouth, tugging and nipping on it until Blaine lets out a moan.

"Why, you're still clothed?" Blaine comments, pulling out of the kiss. He rolls on his back and pushes his pants and underwear down, letting out a relieved sigh when the constricting pressure is gone.

"It was part of the plan!" Kurt sighs and tugs on the hem of his sweater, pulling it over his head.

"Forget about your plan."

Kurt lets out a long-suffering sigh, rolling his eyes again while Blaine reaches forward to unbutton his shirt for him, fingers made clumsy by his hurry to strip Kurt naked. "Well. Maybe I wanted to eventually focus on your ass. Maybe?" Kurt shrugs like it's no big deal but it makes Blaine halt, his eyes widening and his hands falling limply by his sides.

Despite the raunchy text Blaine sent him, they haven't taken that final step yet. Blaine quirks his eyebrow and resumes unbuttoning Kurt's shirt, pulling it off his shoulders before wrapping his arms around his neck.

"What kind of attention? What's your hidden agenda, Kurt Hummel?"

"I don't have any." Kurt kisses Blaine, pushing him back so he can kneel on the bed. Blaine pulls out of the kiss and glares playfully. It soon turns into an amused smile when Kurt wrestles out of his pants, his usual grace completely missing.

"Kurt," Blaine says, voice just a little too rough and hard. Kurt blushes and bites his lip.

"Well." Kurt sits back on his heels. "I want to finger you."

Blaine's eyes widen and he's nodding as he moves closer once more, gripping Kurt's shoulders tightly and kissing him, lips meeting teeth hard enough to bruise. "Yes, please," Blaine whispers against Kurt's lips, moving away long enough to nod frantically before diving in for a kiss again.

Kurt moans into the kiss and presses closer to Blaine, moving forward until their cocks are trapped between their bodies. The friction is clearing Blaine's mind, making him cling to Kurt and pull him closer, their lips crashing and meeting sloppily as their hips roll together.

"Do you still have the lube I gave you?" Blaine asks around a gasp when Kurt's hand circles his waist to grip his ass, squeezing it tight enough to hurt a little, his nails digging in his flesh.

"Yes," he replies breathlessly. "It's under my bed. I think."

"You never used it?" Blaine bites down on Kurt's collarbone and he lets out a sharp noise, his second hand flying to Blaine's ass and squeezing as he pulls Blaine closer.

"Shut up." Kurt's voice is low and breathy. He holds Blaine immobile and grinds his hips against Blaine's in a slow motion, gasping and hiding his face in Blaine's neck. Blaine grunts and holds Kurt's waist, kissing him once more. "I'll go get it," he eventually breathes out, placing one last kiss to Blaine's shoulder before moving away and off the bed.

Blaine drops on his stomach to watch Kurt, his head resting on his arms and his hips involuntarily pressing into the mattress when Kurt bends down, his pert ass on full display.

"I'm enjoying the view."

Kurt looks up and jumps to find Blaine so close to him. "Oh my god," Kurt breathes out, shaking his head.

"Hey, if I were the one crouching on the floor, stark naked, don't tell me you wouldn't stare."

Kurt goes back under the bed, extending his arm and then retrieving the bottle. He gets up and sits on the bed by Blaine's head. "With an ass like yours, anyone would stare."

Blaine grins before wrapping his hand around the base of Kurt's cock and taking him in his mouth, humming when Kurt gasps sharply and tugs at his hair.

"This is counterproductive to getting what you want," Kurt says breathlessly before gasping 'oh my god' when Blaine cups his balls and presses his tongue in the slit of his cock.

"Don't care." Blaine grabs Kurt by the arms and moves him further up the bed and then sinks his mouth over him again, sighing through his nose when Kurt's fingers go back to his hair.

The weight and taste of Kurt in his mouth is a good distraction, he decides. Kurt spreads his legs wider and Blaine settles more comfortably between them, pulling off to mouth down the length and then back up. Taking Kurt in his mouth once more, Blaine relaxes his jaw and then moves his head down, feeling the head of his cock hit the back of his throat and ignoring the panic signals going off in his brain until his nose presses into the wiry hair at the base of Kurt's cock. He holds there for a second before pulling off entirely.

He splutters and coughs a few times and he's wiping his chin, getting ready to start again when Kurt pulls him closer, crashing their lips together and licking into his mouth with a moan.

"Stop paying attention to me, this is about you, dummy," he mumbles against Blaine's lips, kissing him again.

"I was enjoying myself," Blaine replies.

"Shh." Another kiss, this time longer and more languid, and Blaine melts against Kurt, settling on his knees between his legs and leaning his weight against Kurt.

"Okay," he finally breathes out, rolling off Kurt and lying on his back, panting. "You have to do it now."

Kurt rubs a hand down his face as he nods. "Turn around?"

Blaine immediately obliges, his gut twisting up in anticipation. He rearranges the pillow under his head and shifts until he's comfortable, ignoring the jolt through his body when his cock rubs against the comforter.

"Ready?" Kurt asks, placing a kiss on Blaine's shoulder when he nods.

Kurt moves down the bed and nudges Blaine's legs apart with his knees. Blaine doesn't hear him move for a while and he's about to turn around when Kurt drops a kiss to the base of his spine while his hands grip his ass and squeeze it.

Blaine hums happily when Kurt begins massaging his ass, kneading the muscles and dropping kisses across the small of his back. He's relaxing, feeling a heavy fog fill his mind as Kurt keeps kissing and massaging, but then he squirms violently when Kurt licks tentatively at the cleft of his ass, spreading the cheeks with his hands before moving downward.

"Kurt?" Blaine asks shakily, looking over his shoulder.

Kurt looks up from where he was kissing and licking a downward trail with a coy smile. "Hush."

Blaine groans and drops his head back on his arms, hearing Kurt chuckle before he spreads Blaine's cheeks apart and licks over Blaine's hole once. Blaine lets out a moan and his hips jerks forward, the warm wetness of Kurt's tongue sending sparks through his entire body. He doesn't have time to brace himself before Kurt is doing it again, licking and kissing repeatedly. He's completely ignoring the way Blaine is squirming and gasping, his hips stopped from jerking on their own by Kurt's hands firmly holding them in place.

And then Kurt is tentatively pressing his tongue against Blaine's entrance and pushing forward, the tip breaching into Blaine and making him cry out in surprise. "Oh god," Blaine gasps, breathless and feeling raw and overstimulated.

Gripping Blaine's ass tightly, Kurt begins bobbing his head up and down. Blaine can't control his mouth anymore, moans leaving his lips with every thrust of Kurt's tongue and then he feels his entire body tensing up and a tightness in his stomach.

"Kurt, Kurt—" Blaine pushes himself up on an elbow and reaches behind, fingers scratching at Kurt's shoulder until he pulls his head up. "I'm going to come if you don't stop." Then he catches a sight of Kurt's face and he whines, biting his lips. "Shit, you look—" he trails off and swallow hard, his eyes unfocused and darting around the room, looking anywhere, but at Kurt's shiny wet face and bright eyes.

"And that's bad because…?" Kurt asks and chuckles when Blaine groans, dropping his head against his arms once more.

Kurt kisses the nape of his neck while his thumbs stroke circles on Blaine's ass, slowly inching lower and closer to his hole. Blaine's breathing is slowing down and some of the tension leaves his shoulders as the edge recedes, the fog thankfully still present in his head and making it hard for ideas to form clearly. Kurt chooses that moment to press the pad of his thumb against Blaine's hole, drawing out a sharp moan and a jerk from Blaine.

"I think I found a new spot," Kurt muses out loud, pressing a kiss to Blaine's ass. He's circling Blaine's entrance with the tip of his index finger and Blaine can't help but push back against his touch, clenching around nothing and desperately needing more.

"Doesn't count," he mumbles, his words muffled by the pillow.

Kurt replaces his finger with his tongue, circling and licking until Blaine jerks away. "I think it does," Kurt says smugly.

"Not fair," Blaine says feebly. He blindly reaches behind, pawing at the bed. "Stop laughing and give me your hand."

"I'm not laughing," Kurt replies as he laces his fingers through Blaine's. Blaine pulls him forward until they're lying on their sides, facing each other. A brief glance downward tells Blaine that Kurt is still very much enjoying himself despite his refusal to let Blaine do anything to him.

"In your head, you were."

"I'm always laughing at you in my head." Kurt leans forward to kiss the tip of Blaine's nose.

Blaine sighs. "Why do I love you?"

"Because you think I'm the most moral and compassionate person you ever met."

Blaine's face falls and he flushes, which is a feat in and of itself considering he didn't think there was blood left anywhere in his body since he's so hard it _hurts_. "Your dad talked to you."

Kurt chuckles and nods. "He did."

Blaine groans and turns his face into the pillow. "How long have you been waiting to use that against me?"

"_Months_."

"Not fair."

Kurt grins and rolls them over, pinning Blaine to the mattress. He slowly rolls his hips down, trapping their cocks between their stomachs. Blaine grips Kurt's hips, pushing up to meet Kurt's movements and they begin moving together, Blaine hooking his legs over Kurt's thighs and pulling him into a heated kiss. Kurt drops to his elbows, the slight change in angle making Blaine buck up ever harder against him, Kurt grinding down, and they both cry out.

"Fingers. Now," Blaine says through his panting breath and Kurt nods frantically, his eyes glazed over and unfocused.

Kurt moves down Blaine's body, grabbing the bottle of lube on his way and sitting on his heels between his legs. Blaine waits as he listens to Kurt fiddling with the bottle, his eyes trained on the ceiling so he doesn't come from the sight alone. With an uncertain hum, Kurt wraps his left hand around Blaine's cock and strokes it a few times, the enhanced slip making Blaine groan and his toes curl.

They both freeze when Kurt slips his finger in. Kurt stops stroking his cock and it sounds like he's holding his breath.

"Is it okay?" Kurt asks, his voice raspy.

Blaine tentatively rolls his hips and then clenches around Kurt's finger, causing Kurt's eyes to widen. "Yes. I'll be fine. You can just—move."

Kurt slowly slips his finger out until only the tip is in before pushing it back in. Blaine's eyes flutter close and Kurt resumes stroking his cock. He makes sure to breathe deeply while Kurt's confidence grows, his thrust getting faster and more assured. Blaine moans when Kurt changes the angle, his hand joining Kurt's over his cock to make him stroke faster.

"You can—another," Blaine lets out after a while, needing more when his mind begins to wander and bring back bad things.

"Are you sure?" Kurt presses a kiss to Blaine's knee, the only part of his body he can reach without moving and throwing off the angle Blaine managed to fold himself into.

Blaine clenches around his finger again and rolls his hips to pull Kurt's finger deeper in. He nods and opens his eyes, giving Kurt a reassuring smile. "You won't hurt me."

It's Kurt's turn to nod while he slips his finger completely out and then presses two at the entrance, once more pushing until the muscles give in and he breaches in. Blaine groans and his hips twitch down against Kurt's fingers, pushing them deeper.

He squirms and groans, the discomfort higher with a second finger. "I'm okay!" he says in a rasp when Kurt doesn't move. "I'm _so_ okay, Kurt."

Kurt begins moving his fingers in and out, first slowly and then faster when Blaine speeds up their hands on his cock. The slip and slide becomes easier until Kurt has enough freedom to twist his fingers as he pushes them in, drawing a broken moan from Blaine's hips when the tips brush over his prostate at an angle he never reached himself, the new sensation dizzying and almost too intense.

"Oh god, Kurt. Please, fuck me," Blaine groans out before he can stop it.

Kurt stills his hand. "We've never—" Kurt says in a white voice. He slips his fingers out and then untangles his hand from Blaine's to nervously scratch up and down his thighs.

"I know, but—god, I really want it." Kurt opens his mouth. "I'm sure of it. Unless you don't want to?"

Kurt snorts and laughs nervously. "What on earth makes you think I wouldn't want to fuck my attractive boyfriend?" he asks shrilly. Blaine feels a surge of love for Kurt in that instant and that has nothing to do with the fact he's been about to come for the past half hour, thanks to him.

"It's a big step, though."

"The final one."

"Exactly."

"We had plans."

"I know, but—" Blaine sighs. "_Plans_. I know they're important to you, but I really want your cock inside of me right now." Blaine figures that being brash about it is the best way to pull Kurt out of the nervous state he's in.

This is what does it for Kurt. In a flash he's crawling up Blaine's body to kiss him, catching his lips between his own and nipping at them, licking into his mouth and panting and he has to reach down and squeeze his cock so he doesn't come yet. Blaine is stroking his hands all over Kurt's back, pulling him closer and repeating a litany of 'please, please, _please_, Kurt' while trying to kiss him back. It's messy and wet and Kurt only pulls back when Blaine's teeth catch at his lip.

The struggle to find a condom that follows their decision to go through with it is something Blaine will look back on convinced he inadvertently stepped into a teen movie. The one Blaine keeps in his wallet – a gift from Cooper, obviously – turns out to be not only expired, but also to have a gaping tear in it. Blaine mumbles that it would be because he's had it for nearly three years and so they settle on trying to find the box Burt gave Kurt after the sex talk, which he promptly hid far enough so that he would never see it again, convinced as he was that he would not have a use for them before he turned thirty. Kurt eventually finds them in a shoe box at the bottom of his closet and he hastily gets back on the bed with one in hand.

"We're really doing this," Kurt whispers, turning the aluminium package between his fingers, his eyes fixed on it.

Blaine scoots closer until their arms are pressed together and he can lean his head against Kurt's shoulder. "Yes. I love you."

A smile stretches Kurt's lips and he leans into Blaine's side. "I love you, too." He frowns. "Do you—would you rather be on your stomach or your back?"

Blaine shrugs. "I don't know." Is Kurt really expecting him to form coherent thoughts?

"When you're imagining this," Kurt begins, angling his body toward Blaine and taking his hand. "How are we doing it?"

Blaine swallows audibly. That's something he can answer. "On my stomach."

"Okay."

Taking the condom from Kurt's hands, Blaine opens the package and glances briefly at Kurt, who nods, before rolling it on his cock. He strokes him a few times, smiling when Kurt grips his biceps and gasps. Looking up, he meets Kurt's eyes and his smile widens to see Kurt looking at him with adoring eyes. They kiss, sweet and soft, before Blaine scoots back toward the pillows to lie on his stomach, his head pillowed by his arms.

Blaine hears Kurt take a deep breath before he pulls Blaine's hips up a bit, presses the head of his cock against Blaine's entrance and pushes forward. They both gasp sharply when he's in and before Kurt can misinterpret Blaine's loud breathing, he urges Kurt to keep moving. Kurt slowly pushes his hips forward until they're pressed against Blaine's ass and they both stop moving.

Blaine feels warm and strung too tight and this is _Kurt_, he's inside him and they'll never be closer than they are right now in that instant. It makes his head spin and his heart skip beats and he loves Kurt so much he wonders how he hasn't exploded just yet.

Kurt is panting, his hands trembling against Blaine's waist. Blaine shifts to rest his weight on his forearms and Kurt moans, fingers digging into Blaine's skin.

"You can—you can move."

Kurt barely pulls out before pushing in again, the motion making Blaine hiss and moan. Blaine has a brief thought to how this is exactly what he needed to clear his mind before Kurt pulls out more and thrusts back in, making him moan loudly and push back against him.

Their hands end up entwined at some point after Kurt's thrusts gained a rhythm. Kurt is plastered over Blaine's back, rocking his hips forward and grinding them while he peppers Blaine's shoulder and the back of his neck with kisses. Blaine's fingers tighten and loosen between Kurt's with every thrust, a string of moans and groans leaving his lips and barely covering the sound of their skin slapping together.

Blaine channels all of his anger in the feeling of Kurt buried deep inside of it, all of his hatred and negative energy getting dissolved by lust and he allows himself one last thought, '_who's not really gay, now?_', before he lets go and shut his mind completely.

Dragging his free hand down from Blaine's shoulder to his waist, Kurt strokes Blaine's stomach and moves lower, wrapping his hand around Blaine's cock and jerking him off. It only makes Blaine louder, his moans now a constant stream of sound leaving his lips with every thrust of Kurt's cock inside of him. He can barely hold himself up, his arms shaking and threatening to give in as Kurt pushes deeper and brushes against his prostate.

Blaine feels the familiar pull low in his belly, but it's the only warning he gets before he comes, crying out and shuddering while Kurt keeps driving into him, groaning when Blaine clenches around him. Blaine slumps forward, his face pressed into his arms and he barely notices that Kurt has sped up through the haze he's in.

Kurt comes with a grunt, his hands tightly holding Blaine's waist and his face pressed against Blaine's back, his teeth grazing Blaine's skin as he rides his orgasm.

Blaine is vaguely aware of Kurt slipping out of him and discarding the condom before he feels him pressed up along his side. Blaine turns on his side and pulls Kurt closer.

"Hey," Blaine croaks.

"Hi." Kurt chuckles and drops a kiss behind Blaine's ear. "So?"

Blaine shakes his head. "Can't talk."

Kurt rolls him over, laughing when Blaine whines and tries to bat his hands away. "I'm serious."

"I am, too. It was—great. More than great. I don't have words for it, Kurt. Not right now. My brain is fried."

Kurt smiles and pecks Blaine's lips before settling against him, his head on his chest. Blaine plays with his hair almost immediately, massaging and scratching his scalp in a soothing way.

"Did you plan on us doing this when you decided to come over?" Kurt asks, breaking a long silence.

"No."

"I was just wondering, what with the message you sent me."

"I told you that was mostly for show, to irritate my family."

Kurt nods against Blaine's chest. "I'm glad you asked me to do it."

"Yeah?"

"Mm. It was great. No, it was—"

"Indescribable?"

"Something like that. Did it help?" Blaine hums questioningly. "To get you out of your head."

"Oh. Yes."

"I hoped it would. I hate seeing you upset like that."

"Thank you. I really needed that."

Kurt laughs lightly. "I _know_. I can read you better than you think, Blaine."

"Really? And what did you read?"

"That you were deeply upset by what your uncles had told you and you needed to lose yourself completely to have a break from your own busy little head and the messy thoughts that fill it." Blaine doesn't say anything. There's nothing to add, really. "I'm right?"

Blaine hums, cuddling closer. "I love you so much."

"I _know_."


End file.
